Hello? Is this thing on? It's been been a while guys!
So I totally did not do what I said I was going to do, which was to keep writing and posting about my life. Whoops! Somehow life kept yanking me every which way this past year and I never got around to sitting down and typing my thoughts into words.
Almost on a weekly basis, I’d be thinking about all the things I’d want to write about and I would start blog posts in my head. I’d even come up with a catchy name of the post and get all excited, only to get home later and have completely forgotten about it. This happened many times. I can’t quite say whether my wiped memory was from what people have dubbed “chemo brain”, or if it’s simply just me at age 30. Either way, my commute to and from work and/or the gym was where blog posts lived and died with me. R.I.P. to all the great ones that never made it onto a page.
It’s an encouraging feeling knowing that I’m almost 2 years from the day when I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. It’s wild to think that I’ve gotten to this point. At the time I kept talking about how “….1-2 years down the road I hope this will all just feel like a blip in time”. And now I’m here, 2 years down the road, and I think it finally does feel like a blip in time......sometimes.
PSA: while it feels like it was a blip in time, I still think about cancer and the re-occurrence of cancer EVERY SINGLE DAY.
With my hair having grown back in with a vengeance (although I can’t seem to shake the mullet look yet – we’ll get to that later), it helps me forget and I've been able to move on. Most of 2019 was difficult for me because my short pixie hair (which, to many people’s dismay, I HATED) was a daily reminder of what I went through and a daily opportunity for me to get frustrated whenever I looked in the mirror.
Now I finally have long enough hair to wear a half pony, and if I can gather about 20 bobby-pins (which typically end up strewn in every corner of our apartment and have almost ended my relationship), I can even manage a FULL pony! Big moves people! I remember when I was barely getting anything in my hand, and now I can twist and turn it and throw it around. It’s a good feeling knowing that my former long hair is achievable of returning in the near future.
...........Wow, just had an intense hot flash and had to take a break from typing for 5 minutes because I had to both fan myself and drink water at the same time. I wore a turtleneck sweater today because it looks cute, but wow does it ever suck when I get hit with a hot flash!! It takes all of me to not strip the sweater off of myself in desperate pursuit of air.
If you recall, the reason why I get the hot flashes is because I have been placed in a chemically induced menopause which I maintain by getting a painful injection once per month (the needle is the size of a small pen), and I take a daily pill, Tamoxifen. It's uncertain still, but I probably will have to take these meds for the next ~5 years or so.
The hot flashes have been getting more frequent and more intense lately though.
Below is a detailed overview of my hot flashes:
Step 1: I’ll be going about my day and then I suddenly get hit with about 10 seconds of shittiness. The kind of shittiness you feel when you’re sick or hungover. It comes and leaves almost before I can acknowledge it, but it’s long enough that I’m aware it has come
Step 2: This is my body’s cue of telling me an evil hot flash is on the way. Almost like a warning of “prepare yourself! The volcano is erupting!”
Step 3: Maybe 10-15 second later, I feel the oven turn on. And it’s one of those instant ovens, not the one that you have to turn on before you even chop one vegetable. It’s on and it’s full throttle
Step 4: I can feel my face burn and turn red, and my chest and arms are a tomato colour too
Step 5: I then start sweating uncontrollably. And it’s intense. I feel the sweat prickle on my forehead and my neck, my back, my chest, my stomach, my legs, my arms, EVERYWHERE
Step 6: I fight through the heat for about 30 seconds, stripping off layers of clothing (if I have any to take off, unlike TODAY), and, if I’m lucky, I step outside for some air. Sometimes at home I just stand inside the freezer door.
Step 7: Finally the hot flash subsides, and a rush of relief will wash over me
Step 8: I now have sweat into my clothing, so now I’m all of a sudden FREEZING
The vicious temperature cycle!
I probably get them every 30 mins or so…….24/7. Some, depending on the situation, are worse than others. I can tell you though that getting a hot flash in an already hot and sweaty spin class room, is another level of INTENSE. There have definitely been some times I thought I was going to pass out.
And how do I get through my day with these awful 100 degree episodes you might ask?
Well, I just do. I don’t have a choice.
I guess I’m just thankful that I have medication that can save my life. I also can use them to my advantage though. When it’s the dead of winter and I don’t want to get out of the warm covers because I’m freezing, I just wait for a hot flash and then I’m up and at it! I can’t get those covers off fast enough. I also find it helps me sometimes at work when the office is FREEZING (classic office problem), and I’m about to desperately get a hot office brand tea (blah), but then I suddenly get hit with a hot flash and I’m all good!
But in all seriousness, the key to fighting through hot flashes are:
1) Always have a layer you can strip off
2) Always have water handy
3) Emergency hair elastic (maybe this is why older women have short hair….?)
4) Fan next to bed for sleeping hot flashes (a MUST)
I am constantly fighting the urge to ask the question "Is it hot in here?", because i know, 9.9/10, it's just me!!
Comentários