It’s hard to believe that it’s been 7 months since that dreary February 7th day earlier this year. So much has happened to me, physically, emotionally, mentally. It’s sometimes hard to understand that I’m the same person, although at the same time it’s comforting to know that in a lot of ways I have maintained that person, but with improvements in the right areas, attempting to make up for losses in other areas.
It would be a huge understatement if I said I hadn’t learned anything through this journey of mine. Although you might remember at the beginning of this I went into it with a high level of frustration (which I know I’ve touched on multiple times) because I felt like I had already experienced that “aha” life moment where I realized the value in my life and the beauty of every moment. Deanna instilled that in me. I thought that I was already a high performer in that area and was confused why life had in store for me yet even more “learning” or “perspective”. How much more beautiful can a moment really be? How much more can life really mean to me?
I still have frequent moments where I stop what I’m doing and the thought of “why me?” or “what the actual f*ck?!” continues to over take me. But the level of frustration behind those questions has softened over time (although it still peaks every so often) since I’ve started to realize and appreciate the things that I have learned and gained from this whole experience. I don’t think these questions will ever go away though, and they will always sting when they come to mind, but I hope that as more time goes on, and as I learn to love my new life with my new perspective and new learnings, I can live without frustration and disappointment. That is the hope.
I would say the biggest thing I learned throughout the last 7 months, was compassion. You might think it’s weird that this was something I learned, but it was really all of you that taught me it, with me being the student on the other side – the receiving side. There were so many moments over the last 7 months where you all showed me what it meant to be compassionate and so many moments where I sat back and said “wow, that was so thoughtful and made such a difference”, but all the while wondering “….would I have known to do the same if the roles were reversed?”….
Having never previously been on the receiving side in such a dire need, I didn’t appreciate how much a single gesture/offer can make all the difference, and especially in how it is executed. Countless people sent notes, letters and gifts in the mail, dropped off flowers, sent over food, and especially came by and hung out with me. Sometimes I’d receive the thoughtful gestures from people I barely knew, or old friends who I had lost touch with. I appreciate how brave that was, to open up an old chapter and break the ice over an unfortunate event, yet make it something beautiful. I wish I was more like you. You taught me that above all else, we are all human and we all need to connect over emotion, love, and compassion. I think it creates meaning in our lives and because of that our consciousness is urged to make the kind gesture, because you almost need it just as much as I do.
Wanting to help is hard, and I totally understand that feeling. You want to do something, but you aren’t sure what, and you’re worried that you might disturb the person, cause more grief than good, or maybe even do the wrong thing and upset them. But then we fall into the trap (which I’ve been there too) of instead saying “Let me know if there is anything I can do”. It’s such a thoughtful gesture and always has heart behind it, yet one that will never come to fruition. I have done this many of times too, but only now do I appreciate it because I am on the receiving side of it. Yes, the sentence shows you care and want to help, but now, what makes up your gesture of “help” is placed on the person needing it. Asking for help is a level of vulnerability and boldness that is just not part of my DNA, especially when I’m in my lowest of lows.
As a piece of advice from someone who needed help yet would never ask for it (and I highly doubt I’m the only one out there like this!), I would suggest that if you do really want to help and to offer something, maybe refrain from the comment of “let me know if there is anything I can do”, and instead think of something you can do, and if there isn’t, then that’s totally ok!!! ….Let me repeat….that’s totally OK! It’s better to just send a kind/thoughtful message and leave it at that, than to say an offer that chances are, won’t be taken up on. And it’s not that your offer means you wouldn’t do anything - because I know you would if given the opportunity. The point is however, that I wouldn’t ask. And trust me, I’m taking notes on this too. I think we’re all guilty here! But the reason I’m bringing it up is because when you’re in your lowest of lows, and all you need is a friend to pop by, hearing the words “let me know if there is anything I can do”, is upsetting. When you’re borderline depressed, you’re not going to call someone up and say “can you come over so I can cry on your shoulder?”.
Because of all of you, I learned how to be a better friend and also learned how to truly support someone. You taught me that we all need to step out of our comfort zones to really make a difference whether your the one on the giving end or the receiving end. I don’t know if it’s ever going to be possible to truly repay all of you for the amazing gestures you’ve all given me. In some respects I struggle with this because the truth is I don’t want to have to return the favour because that would mean that something happened to you in which you now need the support. At the same time though, it’s the unfortunate truth that we’re all hit with struggles in life, no matter how earth shattering they are. But know this - I will be there for you. I just hope that I can be even half the friend you are and offer the kind of support that makes someone wake up and know that the day is going to be just that much brighter. You gave that to me and I am forever thankful.
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